Not Making Any Sense Here

DUDE. This is a new poem. About time. And unchanging feelings. And woe. Doesn't make much sense... XD

Here in the emptiness:
Is it all white or black?
Is it hazy and numb
Or is the pain sharp, defined?

There is no way to tell--
Only one word,
One voice,
One outcry here
Reaching my sluggish mind.

One.

And it's the screeching head freaking of a demon.

As I sit here writing in a sleepy stupor,
The chains chafing my wrists though
I type on, unfazed,
I wonder where everybody went
And wonder if I am alone.
Did they disappear?
Are they safe?
Did they die?
It happened too fast
And the night is fleeting memory
'Till I notice my betrayal laid out
Right before my eyes.
Unsound, unsafe, and all of the above,
I contemplate the meaning
Of my confusing, short existence.

+TenshiYoukai+

Sun Hanging Low in the Sky

Sun Hanging Low in the Sky

If I cry,
They will comfort me,
But not if I hold it in.
And
They do not
Really
Care.
They just don't understand.
They don't want to see a sobbing girl,
Sitting all alone.
Even some souls can be pure, I know.
Somehow.
But yet,
If I dare to speak a word,
Under normal circumstances,
I am just a nosy passer-by,
Like a desperate pariah.
Their words and bonds are empty,
Yet all I want to do...
Is be a part of these close-knit
Intertwined hearts.
To truly be accepted,
I would do anything
For, in my first memories...
I was with them.
Then one stupid day,
For something so dumb,
They left me out in the cold
Now I am all alone,
And you must numb the pain,
For you are my only
Novocaine.
But still I cannot help to wonder...
What my life would be like,
If I could go
To that lovely "other side".
And you, of course,
Are there.
And everyone is smiling,
Waiting to anoint me,
And laugh a funny story.
Living happily once and for all.
But...
It was only a dream.
And your commitments lie far elsewhere.

+TenshiYoukai+

Staring out into the rain

Lol... it's about the internet. XD Yes, I am that much of a nerd.

Staring out into the Rain

I can't go back
To what I had,
Leaving a gaping hole,
In my chest.
Withdraw,
Pain,
Sadness...
And I don't even have the courage to cry.
Why does this always happen to me?
Sakura Spring time
And the Crisp Fall Leaves...
The seasons change,
And so does my heart.
What I could not once live without,
I can,
But I'm dying.
Under the law of Respectful Shippings,
Self-Opinions,
Fan-made dreams,
Longing parallels,
Restless Moonlight,
Honorifics,
Soul-waning
Bot-like humans,
Nomadic beings,
And similar fandom,
Where do I get happiness from?
And what do I live for?
Why do the lines blur
In inner conflict?
I'm being crushed
And going under.
It's too much.
I'm alone.
Forever.

+TenshiYoukai+

???

Quite possibly the most retarded thing I've ever written... ^^()

I walk by you,
And you walk by me.
But the sadness in your eyes
Haunts me still.
Indisicive,
Why can't you choose?
My mind is made up.
And I'm so guilty...
My face still burns...
But you belong to her.
And not me.
I'm alone.
Or am I?
Not knowing is killing me...
But I can't help it!
Whyyyyyyyy????
Love, hurt, sadness, fear, anger, fury, confusion, panic, hope, and joy,
Acceptance...
All such are irraional.
And I'm very irrational.
But I'm not supposed to be in InuYasha!!!
But I want to ask,
What I've no courage to ponder,
Other bonds can't be broken...
But may I be with you?
You...
Be with you...
Please...

+TenshiYoukai+

I'm Strong!

Another old poem. I know, it has a really gay title. Shut up. X3

I'm strong!

"Thank you..."
I whisper with tears in my eyes.
I've wandered,
A lonely soul,
And repented my crimes.
I've been mislead time and time again
Into thinking I was home.
But weakness revealed
My dark secrets and flaws.
They all ran away
When my true self escaped,
But you...
Were there.
For me!
And you brought with you
Many more
Reliable,
Friendly,
Loving
Fools.
I can't believe you all took me in,
And whilst I clutch myself in nocturnal embrace,
Watchful vigil,
In case the demon comes out,
I know I may be able to sleep...
So I try,
And I see that I'm strong enough enough!
Don't know how it happened,
And I don't know why,
But maybe...
I'm forgiven a bit.
By the one that I left behind.
Selfish,
Solipsistic,
Succumbing to the
Insanity,
Hatred,
And indecency of it all-
Of yourself-
Oh, we have all been there.
My unfolding tale,
Of the impossible...
It is all too impossible
Maybe I'm just not right in the head.
After all,
I feel their pain,
So why can't I feel yours?
I just hope I can stay with you.
Forever.
And ever.
And ever!
But, really...
I don't have many doubts!
Took me in...
I'm home again...
Warm, sympathetic eyes...
Won't leave me anymore
And I know..
Cause I've been there.
Or have I?
Who cares.
I can live again!

+TenshiYoukai+

"So, it all comes to an end, eh?"

An old poem about My Nanny dying. Saaaaaaad.

"So, it all comes to an end, eh?"

In the heat of passion
The truth comes out
And now I know
Our smallest hopes.
You saw it all-
You watched me grow,
But now I'm watching you.
We know what will happen,
Do not try to hide it,
Please,
I know more than you think.
Do not strain your soul,
Just try to enjoy
Your last few months on Earth.
Those days,
Summer mornings,
And weeks spent together.
The things we made,
The bond we shared,
The games we played,
And the lives we saved.
But it's too hard to bare it all farewell.
Remember that nightmare,
Of those raining nights,
And those final,
Pleading words?
It happened too soon,
It went by too fast,
And you can read the thoughts in my eyes.
"Please don't go...
I love you.",
They say.
But...
God will take you back soon.
And I'm sorry.

+TenshiYoukai+

Posting my old poems

Yep. I have about 5 pages of poetry residing in Ham Ham Paradise Forums under a topic titled, "The Poetry of Haiku," my username there. As of today I'm gonna start interspersing my old stuff with new pieces I'm posting here, just cuz I can and cuz I'm cool like that. ^^

The Most Random Depressing Thing I Could Come Up With For Now

Looking in the mirror,
Gazing at the infernal image.
To unlatch the cage
Would be to animate the dead corpse
For the hundredth
Thousandth
Time.

To tiptoe into a new world
Where everyone is living;
Where everyone has a tale to tell
And a life to live
Would be to cast me into uncertainty
For,
This sheltered existence is all I know;
And not knowing
Would engender
A pain so great that
This numbness
Seems like nothing more
Than a blessing.

However,
Knowing and
Feeling,
And grasping
And touching;
Being happy,
Being normal,
Being with people!

'Tis my simple wish,
'Tis my simple dream,
But so hopeless it is,
I know,
As the window is always
On
The wrong
Side.

I remember,
I remember,
So long ago.
I was there.
On the outside.
I was there.

I was an angel,
With wings pure and white;
I was the perfect
Child of lore.

But no one knew
What I harbored inside, no.
No one knew
How the time-bomb ticked,
Tick, tick, tick tick...

The sadness,
The anger,
The confusion,
And the evil;
Everything jumbled up inside.

As I bravely battled
The spate of feelings
I slowly lost my hold
On reality.
I slowly lost my hold on
My family, my friends;
And they deserted me
One
By
One.

The skies are gray now,
The dream is foggy.
The gloom is omnipresent
As we stumble through this nightmare.
I am not alone, however;
I only wish.
I have a demon in my heart;
And an angel in the doorway.

God holds me in His right hand
The world pummels me with it's left.

+TenshiYoukai+

VIEWERS

People are actually looking at this blog now. No freakin way :DD Btw, I'll have a picture of my darling scarlet up soon, so stay tuned~! ^^ (Why am I talking like a newscaster...?)

New Season, New Life

When the world shudders
For the last time for a while;
When that valedictory, dank chill
Wafts on the air;
Some hold their breath,
Some throw back their heads,
And others say,
"Amen."

The first flowers
Futilely,
Struggle to the surface
And break free of the frost;
The first
Stray cats
Start to come around again.
And more living creatures
Accept my embrace.

The first
Smile
Dawns on that sad, tired emptiness;
Oh, it is the first smile I've worn in forever.
I want this to be the time
When I can live without regrets
And when the marigold sun beats down, warm
On Earth's dwellers.

Just a bit of happiness to cherish,
Just a bit of love to hold;
Just a day more like this and I'll be in heaven
Living stories untold.

+TenshiYoukai+

Love You

.::Love You::.
The glorious sun slowly sinks
Into that sea of bloody fire.
The splendor;
The magnificance of it:
Witness God taking a life.

Witness the emaciated
Grieving left behind.

And witness pained one
Finally being set free.

I hope you can finally
Grow those angel wings,
Nanny;
I hope you can finally
See everyone again.
Tell them I said hi,
And let these tears reach you.
I remember;
I know
How you'd hold me.

Trying not to sob too hard
As we stand united on the orange-red stained precipice.
The wind
Whipping our hair so hard,
And the rip rip ripping
In our throats.
Maybe your spirit is whispering to us;
Prehaps that is the voice in my head.

Oh,
How I miss it:
All our times spent together.
I won't forget but
I really need you here.
Evrything else could suck but
You remained a constant
Source of eternal comfort.

At least...
You aren't...
In pain...
Anymore...

Tell everyone in heaven,
Like we always used to say.
Tell everyone in heaven,
"Love you."

Reaching out a hand as if
I can gather your essence in my arms;
I will not forget.
I will not forget.
Keeping singing that Nanny,
Like we always did,

"I will not forget,"

"I will not forget."

+TenshiYoukai+

Thoughts of Dreaming

I know that one day,
In a time far away from here,
Wishes just now barely grasped
Can be understood
And flutter within our reach.

And I know that one life,
So seemingly disposable
Will continue to linger,
Arousing anguish in a trapped soul.

And I know that somehow,
The children must forge forward.
I know that some way
She will force her eyes awake.
I just feel,
That by some means,
He will pry open his heart,
And the two fated will walk
Their never-ending path.

The steps they take,
As they relish the sunlight are
Overseen by a higher power and
They are kept safe;
Even while
Balancing precariously
On the thin, waning cloud Dream.

+TenshiYoukai+