Thursday, December 31, 2009

The New Year

Everything that has piled up
or has gathered here,
or has come to be

will go, within
this awaited night,
to be archived, to be
made real within

my continued, young exsistence.


that I have seen,
that I have felt,
that I know to have happened,
will go, within
this fearful night

to be engraved, to be written
in stone.

The turnings of this planet,
the turnings of the moon,
and the way we all spun and revolved:

will go, within
this precious night
to be archived, to be
made real.

There is no turning back now.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Love poems are stupid, but I'm writing this one for you.

You are a comforting echo on the edge of my consciousness;
A warm, simple touch with the gentleness of
a butterfly's fluttering wings.

You are as colorful as a hidden patch of wildflowers
blooming with the sound of a rhythmic base guitar.

You are as beautiful
as some overpaid model;
yet you reflect the trait both inside and out.

Your calm demeanor is my lullaby,
and you're soft tawny hair is my haven.

You're eyes are the cool mist of an easygoing soul,
lost at sea, but not truly lost.

You smile and grin no matter the hour
or the situation.

Your forgiveness is that of a saint's, and
small details don't matter to you.

All the things I like about you,
I could go on for hours and hours.

You probably think this poem is both sappy and strange,
yet you still take the time to read it.

I hate love poems.
I always have.

But I'm writing this love poem for you.

August Emotions

Part One: Morning Mist

With the salty sea air
on this clear August morning,
comes a cool, refreshing mist.

It sprays on my face
as I wander this pebbly
imperfect yet beautiful beach.

I wince, for a moment
(salt-water is harsh
on a person's

but then

Such occurrences make me happy, though
they also can cause pain.


Part two: It is December, but...

It is December, but it feels like August.
The sleet is as light as a snowflake tear, yet the air
is smitten with frost.
Take me to
a tropical island,
where pomegranates
will bloom where we walk.

I'll tell you,
I'll tell you how I love you so,
and we'll drown in the mercury surf.

and currents are no such worries
in this dream of a place.
It is December, but it feels like August.
I wish I could tell you how I feel.


Part Three: Heartbeat-heartbeat-heart-beat

If this is lust,
then that's nothing new.

If this is love,
then I'm just plain screwed.

My summer will fade into winter; I

know you will never love me too.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I have nothing.

I never will.


sickness and

loneliness and

nothingness and







Give me

the drama,

give me,

the pain

--I'd rather have that than
nothing at all.

So why

is it

that I do not receive such?

Do not recieve anything?

Just god being cruel?

I wonder.
















Nothingness Moon

I've nowhere to go; I've
no one to care for,
and not
a soul
to love.

no-thing and no-one and no-body and no-thing

to keep me warm
within this storm.

with the yellow moon

The air is cold there beneath that yellow moon.

It is all a dream, but
the wind there blows so fierce
so cold.

So shudder, child,
you gaze upon the moon in your dream.

Yellow, sickly, Nothingness Moon, I
wish it would fade into dawn.

Ghosts on the Precipice

--and odd, to say the least--

unites the ghosts standing on the precipice.

The ghosts are ghosts
--they cannot die;
they have long been deceased--

Yet they don't comprehend,
and are restless;

they cannot find peace.

Strange, compelling longings
--wouldn't you say?--
unite the ghosts standing on the precipice.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Forever Spring

Sunflower fields will bloom where I walk,
And the radiant petals will dance in the breeze.

The sun will shine like morning dew,
and we'll nothing to fear anymore.

I stand alone in the winter chill,
but I say, "T'will be okay,"

'Cause I know a time will come when I
can feel spring warmth on my face forever.


It's kind of unfair,
how some people can walk

with their heads held high
and their eyes fixed dead-on.

I envied them
much, you see,

Because my eyes
were fixed
on the ground.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Blessed Building

This country is no home of mine.

Come the first light of dawn,
I'm getting out.

This country is no comfort of mine.

I will perfect my craft,
and soar across the world
to fulfill my dream.

This whole country can burn;
this whole country can shrivel,
save that one blessed building
in the county of Anne Arundel.

Sacred salts lining its foundation,
defer my rage, my flame,
and protect my Sanctuary.

O, sacred scent of linens I know
too well,
keep the mem'ry crisp
and fresh
in my brain, so that

I may

still hear

it's echo from




Wednesday, December 2, 2009


It lingers in
her fingertips;
it lingers in
her lungs.

It lingers in the corners
of her brain,
and (even now) it lingers
in her heart.

She breathes it out,
she breathes it in;

the stages of her ritual sin:

her intoxication,
her ailment, her plague;

her heaven, her hell,
played out upon the stage

locked away
in the darkest of dungeons
so that no one may see.

Clearly, these are are bridges
not to be crossed
in any state of conscious thought.

Clearly, these are bridges
not to be crossed
by any state of moral thought.

None of this matters to her

Lust is addictive.
Lust is extreme.

Lust is comfort.
Lust is hers to behold.

Saturday, November 28, 2009


I liken eating ice-cream to falling into the darkest pit of hell.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I Changed my Yahoo! Messenger Status

I changed my Yahoo! messenger status;
I changed it to,
"No one loves me."

I changed my Yahoo! messenger status
because the world isn't real anymore.

I changed my Yahoo! messenger status,
because I've a sudden need

to paint ev'ry single thing of mine
the darkest shade of ebony.

"See that girl walking down the street?
She's forever encased in shadow.

She knows
it is true,
so she changed her Yahoo!
messenger status
to, "No one loves me."

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Blue-green Tear Droplets Fell from her Eyes

"Just give me some excuse," I say,
"to set fire to the world and ev'rything that I know."

"Just give me some excuse," I say,
"To stand by the docks and watch the whole city burn."

Yes, blue-green tear droplets fell
from her eyes;
and I am enshrouded
in the grayest of wintry
skies; I don't

see any excuse
to send it up in flames--

just the simple
that the whole
world is


O, wintry snow.

"Just give me some excuse," I say,
"to let the blue-green tear droplets freeze where they fall
from her icy, snowflake eyes,
as she lays
on Old Man Winter's deathbed."

I'll be Walking Down the Street

There is some unseen,
shimmer'ng, spark'ling future
glitter'n' under the city-light-stars.

Somewhere in Tokyo,
somewhere in Osaka;
some place in the U.S.
where my verse can be read.

In just a few years now,
pecking at morning toast,
sipping my English breakfast tea, I'll

be off to work,

be off to read or write;
to keep books, to write poems,
to study animals, or

whatever I decide to do.

I'll be walking down the street,
in the early spring, smiling,
sweater dress short,
but not too much so.

I'll have two cats in the home,
and a delicate hamster,
twitching his or her whiskers like the trembling rain,

perfectly perpetual
smile upon

or her

I'll be walking down the street;
the sky will always be dark
but kind,
like a sugar-scented
a gentle moon
and soft downy feathers

litter'n' the ground

in my
unseen, perfect city.

And as I walk back home
from work,
I'll be singin',

"There is a spark'ling,
unseen future out there,

with glitter'n' city lights
like stars."

At 2:30 AM:




obscured by the orange clouds.


are worn and bleeding,

and the sun doesn't shine anymore.

a Smile-Chase;

lost is the chance of a


sinfully pondering

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Ponderings of the Girl Sitting on the Loveseat

I don't know why I do the things I do.

perhaps I'm indecisive, or
perhaps I'm just a jerk.

I don't know why you do the things you do.

Perhaps you see potential, or
perhaps you're just playing around.

I don't know what will become
of any of this.

I don't really where we are right now,
or where we are going.

As for our destination, well,
I can't recall why we've fallen silent

As of late.

But the birdsong seems to echo through
the islands of my mind, the tiny
tropical passageways leading to

my empty, fool-hearted passions.

I don't know why I think the things I think.

Perhaps I'm really lonely, or
Perhaps I'm just a jerk.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


Baka wa kaze hikanai.

Idiots don't catch colds.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


I hated tense confusion, I will realize. It made me angry when I read things that aren't able to decide which tense they will be set in.


Your Falsetto Voice

All those strained, falsetto voices,
I can hear them through
the mile-thick shadows;
they are creeping up
upon the moon;
they are wailing "Love me!"
in a howling, sickly wind.

The moon,
the silver light, the
darkness enroaching upon it; I
can hear all these things along with falsetto voices

that makes me wonder why I'm writing this poem.

I want
to hear
a silver bell,
a silver bell,
a silver bell

of clarity.

I wish
that your falsetto voice
could not be heard tonight,

so that I may sleep
and dream.

Monday, November 9, 2009


Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe,
Breathe, breathe.

I love her.
I know this,
And I know that she loves me,
But only in a platonic sort of way.

Or is that
The case?

I wish,
Oh, how
I desperately wish
That she will return this
Unspoken whisper

In fifty short minutes,
The time I will next see her...

I want
To scream!
(But I also want to cry...)

I want
To live!
(But I also want to die...)

I don't care how I do it,
And I don't care why,
But this time it'll be "wo ai ni"!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Rainbow Revolt

"The children are planning revolt,"

Says the scene girl, the jock,
So popular,
Names known across the school,

"The children plot, oh so
To overthrow our rule."

The open-minded Christian girl sits
In the back of her judgmental class; the misunderstood
Bisexual opens his heart in chorus class,
The quiet
Gender-queer, electronica-loving
Lesbian girl,
And the poet, innocent dreamer who writes too much
(And far too many fanfictions).

The youtuber,
The indie kids,
And the alternative offbeat children,
Playing killer guitar riffs and stalking message boards
That they enjoy to visit
While sipping their coffee at Starbucks,

The somewhat-goths and the otaku nerds,
The Anonymous internet-thrivers.
The Japanese-wannabes, the just plain lonely,
And those who worship Suzumiya Haruhi.
The Christians, the Jews, the Muslims, the Atheists, Agnostics and whatever-have-you,
The losers, the old-schoolers, the new-schoolers, the nothing-schoolers,
And the emo kids all sing:

"We're gonna o'erthrow your rule
With colors of rainbow,

Abolish cut-and-dry colors like white!"

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I Remember the City Lights not unlike Stars; I could See them Outside your Window

I have this never-ending, impotent sense
Of dread that makes me want to call you.

I look back to the times,
Those oh so perfect times
When I could hold your hand,
Play our fun-filled games,
And look outside your window as we slept close together.

I look back to the times,
Those oh so innocent times,
When we could make up stories,
Act out our roles together
And make friends in out happy, safe haven.

Such things are not
Possible now,
Because it is not nearly as simple...

It was only a year,
One pathetic, short year,
But it was the happiest time of my life.

I have this never-ending, impotent sense
Of dread that makes me want to call you.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Gray Skies Forever and Screens of White; Ballads of Nothing in Particular

"Months and months have passed," says the stoic doctor
In bleached-white coat, with sterile mask.

"Months and months have passed," says the teacher
Noticing her as she rises
To wander the halls,
Going to her next class, to her next class, to her next class;
Day after day, after day, after day.

"Um, feel better," says the distracted friend,
Gone faraway, and apparently daydreaming;

"Well, feel better," says the folded-hand counselor,
As if there is some delusion of hope;

"You will feel better," says the dandelion
In almost-winter fall;

"Feel better,"
Says the white screen
As I type this poem,
Resurrected by an old tune I heard.

"Are you okay?"
Says the brother,
Sincere above all;
"Are you okay?"
Says the dog,

In her silent dog-speak;
Grunts and whimpers, barks, the like:
The point is, I know she knows
If I am okay.

I want someone
To tell me it is okay
To not be okay,
To take me in this darkness,
And bring, if only
A speck, of light
To these walls,
Even though I am dead.

I want someone to stitch
My frail limbs back together
To re-arrange my voice-box
And upright this broken doll,

Knocked over by drunken winds of fate,
Obviously being cruel at the time.

I want

To see someone's, anyone's, face
When I go to sleep at night.

I want

To see the Sun,
Because as my brother says,
"The Sun is life; without it we would die,"
He is indeed a science-y man.

"What's wrong?" says the mother, though it be standard procedure,

"...What's wrong?" says the father, far too preoccupied
To really notice at all;

"Come back," says a silent urge, the Dread waiting still
To devour her as
She sleeps in her bed.

"Come back,"
Says the unfinished
Book I was writing
In a document I have locked.

"Come back,"
Says the sin and the pain and irrationalities;

"Come back,"
Says the lonely child I had befriended.

I say "her," and not "I,"
I use second person, not first,
Because this girl is not I any longer.

I died long ago
And I cannot help it;

Because no matter what feigned,
Sugar-coated words
Are said,
It will never be okay.

I will live in this lull
Till the day that I die:
Gray skies Forever,
Screens of White,
And Ballads of Nothing in Particular.

"... She leaves her poetry to no one in particular,"
Says the lawyer at the girl's funeral.

Breathing a Bit More Diffucult than I did a while Ago

Blurs and odd shapes,
Incoherent thoughts
When I am trying to write.

It's glass and fire
Melding, melting my brain--

Dreams of Yellow and Innocence and Blue.

I cannot write now;
"Hush, calm your fingers,
Stop the tiny, tiny clicking of keys.

Dearest Amber, go to sleep,
Perhaps there you will dream of me."


Part of Speech: verb
Definition: exist in abundance


be alive with, be all over the place, be knee deep in, be no end to, be plentiful, be thick with, be up to one's ears in, crawl with, crowd, flourish, flow, have a full plate, infest, overflow, proliferate, swarm, swell, teem, thrive


deficient, fail, lack, need, short, want

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Not Worth a Title

White screen,
No talent;
Loud voices,
I don't care.

We can all just die for what its worth.

Only the Darkest Will Do

Said mother, said to
Her daughters thereafter,
Said to their brothers,
Cousins, uncles,
And aunts.

(Would have said
To the grandparents, but they were already
Dead, blind, and deaf.)

There was therefor an order,
Said father to son;

There was therefore despair,
Said soldier to soldier;

There was therefore nothingness,
Said neighbor to neighbor,

That they were abolishing white.

And only the darkest would do.

My Prose can Burn thereafter;

I identify solely
And primarily
As a poet.

It is the only thing I was ever good at.

My prose can be hung from the gallows above,
And my messy outlines mean nothing.

I don't know what I can do with my poetry,
Certainly not make a living off it.
It will never benefit me
In any way,
But it's all that I'll ever do.

I identify solely
And primarily
As a poet.

It is the only thing I am good at.

My Pen-name Means Nothing Now

My pen-name means nothing now,
It will never be used;

Like the final scene in a tragic movie:

The hero's essence explodes,
A thousand glitter-teardrops
Flutter to the world below;


I am no hero,
I live no adventure.
My prose is but broken
Strings of adapted song

Mangled out of its verse-form.

My pen-name is a joke,
It means nothing now;
For it will never be used.

Monday, November 2, 2009

"I said maybe,"

You told me "maybe,"
As if this is a game,
Like a tragic comedy
Or Russian Roluet.

It's not:
These are my feelings.

You told me maybe,
In the same voice,
The same context

As, "Oh, maybe I'll bring that book
For you to read tomorrow,"

Or, "Oh, maybe
I can come over your house
This weekend,"

But this isn't like that.

This isn't a "maybe,"
You can just shy away from;
This isn't a "maybe,"
You can neglect and forget;

This is a "maybe,"
About my feelings...

Do you reciprocate?

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Understand Me

Understand me.

It is in moments such as these
That I cry my most sincere tears,
It is
In moments such as these that I

Wish to be understood,

I think that I love you,
My newfound muse,
But I wonder why this is?

Pressing my mouth
To yours in a dream,
I contemplate this damned confusion.

Fantasies of the Broken Doll

You don't appear broken, but I want to fix you.

I will pull you aside,
Look into your brown eyes
And pray that you meant
What you said.

Truth, the vertex
That would hold us together, or
The crushing,
Crushing anvil
That will make me bawl and snivel;

I want
To take your hand in mine,

Spend hours with you
In my little pawn shop;
Stitch you up,
Turn your hidden frown
Into a smile...

I want to fix you, though you don't appear broken.

I'm so in love,
It's not even funny.

I'm in love with one of my best friends.

Snapped, wiry strings to a muddled, broken puppet,


Dejected eyes to a broken me,


Hidden fears to a broken you,


Quiet moans as the frantic hand goes
From small maiden's appendage
To sin, icy cold
Yet warm as Fire;


Her hair's like the cornstalks
Stretching up to touch the sun,
Flowing down to her waist
Like an anime character,

Pale like the sand
On the forgotten beach,


I want to take her hands,
Much bigger than my own and
Hold them to my heart, I


Broken strings to a broken puppet,
Can we ever be mended, my dear?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


It started with a riverbank,
Forgotten and parched,
The intangible, invisible
Rift between us.

It started out small,
With only one drop of water
(Fell from the shadowed
Facets of the rainclouds
Of heaven above).

It began simply,
Limp bodies being dragged
Across states, across years, across arguments:

The days began to wane,
The moon didn't shine as brightly;

Sun a little less yellow,
Hearts a little more chilly.

"It just so happened
In such a way;
We drifted too far
To allow us to stay

In each others' dreams,
And even our

Shared mem'ries

Could not hold us together:
The glue had come undone."

And the Rift grew as wide as the hole in my heart.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Poem for my Friend

I know a girl, or perhaps a boy--
Whatever she identifies as.

She's kind in smile,
Few in words,
And lost in the depths of her other World.

She worries me so,
And that same, unmistakable,

Heat-wrenching fear of losing her to
The night, the shadows, creeping up upon
My consciousness, her consciousness...


(Perhaps it is just the way I was raised.)

Such things as these
Turn the soft shades of pink in my
Sunset-basked poetry
To a white piece of paper, white, dreary screen,
Empty diary pages,
And black, definite letters.


(Perhaps it is just
My distaste this air,
Laden with
That stench.)

Now, I know
That such things are as sharp
As the knives of demons with their pitch-fork eyes,
As the harsh calls of children spewing their parents' lies,
As the thrust of a virgin away from goodness' spies,
As the words that I rave to myself
At midnight.

None of the above matters when you're getting high,
It looks, and it seems like nothing;
But it bothers me.
It makes me write crap when I should be doing homework;

Because my fear for the future
Is as the negative-negative
Repel of a magnet.

And I dislike it so.

Yellow Stars; my World

I am surrounded
By wondrous people.

They are mazes,
And matrices,
And puzzles,

And Worlds.

Their Worlds are very different;

With Liquid pools of red and blue:
Ever-moving, bone-chilling,

"Jump on in, let's float and swim,
Flip, do tricks, and get lost for hours."

Some do not have Liquid;
Some have Flame.

In constant conflict,
Rapid, raging,
Magnificent, maddening

It engulfs their souls,
It clouds their minds,
It eats away at them;
(Although fire can be glorious thing,
If you know how to use it.)

Some do not have flame,
Some have wind.

Their hair in their face;

Throwing harsh stares
In this mockery of space;

Upon a mountain-
top, cold and empty,

I as well have a World somewhere.

I imagine
That I have neither Liquid nor Flame nor Wind,

Instead I have a blinding darkness.

Stars stretch on,
Bright Yellow stars,
In the never-ending darkness,
(For they are Invisible,
Always there, simply unseen)

And a switch lies in the middle.

I have a desire
To trek to this place,
To explore
Every barren cobblestone
Road of this dimension I call my World.

I feel the need
To discover its door,
Pry it open and dwell for a while in its depths.

I will flip this switch,
Bring light and illumination
To my vessel,

And fin'lly see the Stars within
Its walls.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Caught in a Net

One of the funniest moments in all of Lost so far. :D I literally fell out my chair. :

Out in the jungle, while trying to find Micheal, Jack and Kate trigger a trap set by the Others and get caught in a net. They eventually get out. Later, Sawyer remarks that it took them an awful long time to get back, jealous that Jack had spent that time with Kate, and implying that he thinks they were doing something else. Jack, of course, tells Sawyer that they got "caught in a net".

Sawyer replies, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Jack doesn't see what Sawyer's getting at. "We got caught in a net."

"... Is that what they're calling it these days?" Sawyer huffs.

Some time later, after Ana Lucia dies (Jack and Ana Lucia were in love), Sawyer confesses to Jack, in the most serious and unfitting voice...

"I screwed her. We got caught in a net," referring to the time when he and Ana Lucia had sex.

... Only later, when Kate explains what happened does Sawyer realize that he had it all wrong. *Insert LOLs here*

Friday, October 23, 2009

My name is Belle-Sarah

My beautiful princess flew from the door
To greet me with a smile this evening.

She is small,
She is slender;
And her eyes are akin
To chocolate and sugar.

Oh so sweet she is.

I want to wrap her body in laces,
And cradle her to my chest;
Tell her such things

That will hold her secure
In this prison of my heart.

I want to bind her to my love...

Though I want to beget
This illness from
My mind and body as well...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Fail, Fall, Fail, Fell, and Falling

Leaves fall
From the trees.

Stars fall
From the sky and TV.

Children fall
From their bikes, hikes, and running around.

I fall
From the Earth,
Because of missing you.


That red feverish flesh of yours,
Searing like the wings of the Phoenix.
I'd like to claw it all off
Till you bleed and you vomit
Lovely pools of scarlet desire.

Feel that Electricity
As it pulsates through your body?
I can hear the tremor in your voice.

Dear, oh, dear,
I've only just begun--
We're gonna scream
Till both our heads throb.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


There's nothing wrong with it;
There never will be.
My love has warped in such a way,
That I have stumbled upon the realization that
It is something else entirely.

(It was never "warped," it seems to me now,
No matter what I have to face,
Or why I have to face it...)

Breathing a gusty and terrified sigh,
I contemplate "when" and "how".

Nobody Knows, Including Myself

It seems...

That I just don't know anymore.

The blinds are closed,
The dog is sleeping;
I am confused.

The hamsters would be up about now;
There is a cool breeze,

Summer is long-off;
But I have it here in memories,

The frosted, bleeding sun
Is beautiful.

And it seems...

That I just don't know anymore.

The highlighter rainbow,
The acorn smiling
Up at me from underneath a tree.
The squirrel's fluffy tail
Bobbing as he runs
Has a tale to tell;

That is beautiful also.

I sing,
Sleep in my dream-world,
I am tranquil

(Yet baffled).

It seems that I just don't know anymore.

Monday, October 19, 2009

"Everyone's dying," Said the Child in Poetry

"Everyone's dying,"
Said Young Soul to Young Mind,
Born of Mother's mother and father, of Father's mother and father, and of fate
And future
And love.

Flowing and spinning and whirling,
Turning sharply around the many bends,
Tangles the red string,
And everyone
(Or no one at all)
Is dying,
Born into happiness and degenerating into suffering."

So said Young Body to Young Mind.

When Mother's mother laid down in bed,
When the hopscotch and card-games and long talks ceased,
When the moon, stars and even the sun waned;

And people were likened to dogs, raving and snarling,
It all seemed to fall apart.

Because she was dying,"

So said Young Heart to Young Mind.

Fall evenings,
April afternoons and Summer mornings;

Cardboard boxes, pretending to be foxes,
Acting out, running about, figuring it out,

Sitting close together and drinking hot chocolate
In even the most bitter of winters.
(It was warm, even in the chill: a sticky and smothering, yet comforting brown liquid, earthen, wise colors; a kind of obsession),

Growing up.

Pool visits, (they were fun), doctors' visits (they were not: shots and checkups, eyesight and hearing growing aged, surgeries, chemotherapy, bad and good news), family visits (cousins, great aunts, great uncles, distances and catching up), Pet store visits (little darlings, playing out in the sun, fondled and held close to my left breast, hamster cages, the abstract squirrels running up the trees, Animal Planet), and sleepover visits (making dinner childishly, watching television, baking cookies, writing "Thank you," notes, being grandmother and granddaughter);

These things were all you and me."

So said the Grieving Child to her deceased grandmother,
(Died, broken and lying comatose, without sound)
Held dear in her Young Mind.

These components of the Child swam in a sea
Of sticky blood and other liquids,
(The knife growing heavy in her hand as she pondered what she had done)
Became muddled, barely behind the field of her vision;

And while she was still, still crying still, still tears
For the one she loved most-- confused--
The Child wrote a poem.

And this was it.

Now the midnight melody unfolds in the background:
A quiet Southern-Asian flute
(It is called an ocarina; it makes heavenly sounds,
But only if you know how to play)

As the Girl takes the knife
(Seeing the reflection in her eyes)
And tells her Young Mind that it was all a delusion:

"Everyone is indeed dying,
Because we are all mad mockingbirds,

And this lunacy knows no bounds;

We are no longer the victims;
This has gone to far,
So quit your sniveling and arise to your fate.

Or everyone
(Including ourselves)
Will surely expire indeed.
(We will all fall from this earth,
In some form of the waking world;
Not only in poetry.)

So said her Young Consciousness to her Young Mind;
Young Mind-- how will it react?

Sunday, October 18, 2009


White and Yellow and Red
And Blue,

"Twinkl'ng specks of dreams..."

What are they really,
Way up there?
And what do they really mean?

The Book says
Some great
And powerful being

Put a ball
-- called "Earth"--
In a vast expanse
-- of utter nothingness--
So that we could live
--we, the cruel and dark parasites--
And created life
--ruthless yet beautiful--
So that we could live it.

And I've no qualms,
Nor a bitter taste
For these types of things,

I digress.


When "we,"
--These "people" --

Commit such sins
(like it is commonplace),

Do we really deserve a God?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009





~"Ore wa onna da," means, "I am a woman," but said in a very masculine way; using "Ore," a more masculine, controlling form of I, and "da," more casual and therefore "manly" than the neutral "desu," to be. ...It's my new catchphrase. :D

Saturday, October 10, 2009


This is just one of the moments when you do something IDIOTIC, STUPID, AND EMBARRASSING AS HELL, and you don't know how you're going to face the world.


Hold your breath,
Close your eyes,
And hide yourself away so you won't have to face

Their gaze.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The Sinners

Adorn her hair with broken twigs,
Crushed oh so heartlessly,
Woven to fit
Neatly upon
Her sorrowful, bleached-white skull.

Decorate her fleshy corpse
With an empty promise
And broken dreams;

Place a cross upon her chest,
And hold it close to her left breast...

Watch the forgotten skeleton burn
At the final sunset.

But hold your breath, dear;
Brace yourself,
For we will join her soon!

Blood will be shed as the final rays
Of fire disappear from the sky...

We are the sinners,
The prideful, the lustful,
The thieves, gluttons, the murderers;


We are the blasphemous,
Unforgiving, scorned,
Unloved, corrupted

Our demise,
(And our devise)
Is all but inevitable.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

"Cliched Poem; Maybe..."

Life is a river,
A flowing spate;
But I shall swim upriver
And fight my fate.
And If I so happen
To drift downstream,
Would you take my hand
And rescue me?

Furtively, it Stalks me

These are the things
That haunt me in the dawn,
Creep up on my shadows
In the dusk,
And fill my heart at midnight.

I know
That these unspoken things
Are far from well,

It's torture,
You see,
To feel these things,
But I suppose that we all must endure
This pull.

For people
Are liars!
They bite their tongues,
And the truth
Shrivels and dies on their lips,
Still warm from secret

For people
Are stupid!
What makes them conceal
The obvious,
No matter the age?

It would be nice
If we could just give in,
At least in our speech,
In our words.

I do not see the need
To carry out such tiring
Ev'ry day of our lives.

There are no masks in poetry,
So I shall express my desires there...

And there is no way to hide
From ourselves,
So I will share these
With the wind.


This world
Was founded on nothingness,
And in nothingness it will end;

Not just for I,
For this little life,
But for all on this despairing planet.

This little one,
Oh, how she wishes
That this pitiful fate were not so...

But it is not well
To shy away from the definite,
Set destiny:
Our demise.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Otaku no Poem

The other kids all ran 'round playing
On the innocent schoolyard playground.

They all played house,
Made-up games,
And fought over who was "it".

They sat in the shade
And made cute, childs' talk
Of gossip, and friendship,
And dreams

While I was standing
On the monkey bar ladders
Pretending to be Sailor Moon.

It was lonely there,
With only a few bystanders
Wondering what the heck I was doing;

"I am Usagi Tsukino,
The Bishoujo Tenshi!
And I~ Punish~ You~!"

They sneered,
And they giggled
And threw back their
Cruel, callow insults.

I digress,
But I'd much rather be the weird girl
Then boring and hollow like them.

So with the few "loser"
Friends I had acquired
In those empty yet wond'rous years

I would sit them down,
Tell them the tales
Of the exploits,
The fables and lore.

But they proved equally boring with
Their talk of dorky
Spirder Man,
And imaginary friends.

So I sighed and stood up,
And when faced with the question,
"Where are you going?"
I answered,
With the sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya,

"To find an adventure, of course."

As I grew,
I learned
Much more of these things,
And that I was not alone.

I took on the facade
Of a sweet, moe girl
And tried to find my way.

Moe girls
Are always so popular,
And loved,
And cute,
And admirable.

But lo,
I was the moe girl
That nobody bothered to love.

As trivial things
Like Hopes and the Future
Weaved their way around my mask...

I found a home.

Even if in just the hearts of loved ones,
Seemingly found in lucky timing,
Bent fate...

I have a home in their heart.

Friday, September 25, 2009

What if

How is there
Any way of knowing
What is and what was?
Or what will ever be?

It could be argued
(and for all we know, it's probable)
That nothing has
Ever existed and
Nothing ever will.

I could be a goddess
And this could be my kingdom.

Or what if
My whole life was a dream,
And the next time I wake up,
I'm an infant?

What if
There was never any "waking up,"
And we're just an elaborate
In space?
A manipulation of matter?

What if
We were all a deep, maddening red,
And society isn't
What we think it to be?

(Ah, life is full
Of these crazy what-ifs,
But they are only real to me.)

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Farewell to Insomnia?

I think I'm gonna sleep,
And see you in my dreams.

I'm tired of being
Tired all the time,
But no one seems to care...

To dispel the shadows and rainclouds
From the sunrise when I wake...

I'll shut those little peepers,
As you used to say,
And get some sleep tonight.


I'm not the only melodramatic narrator after all! :D

"... and what a beautiful caramel colour they were!" Is used to describe Akane's legs in a lemon I'm reading. First of all, minor correction here, Akane is Japanese with a seemingly white complexion. How could any part of her be caramel? ... Don't answer that.

Anyways, I'm so happy to know that I'm not the only one who uses exclamation points in romantic scenes like that! I mean, for example, (this is from an unfinished one-shot lemon I'm writting for Urusei Yatsura)

"Well, you know he is a pervert. Always was, always will be. But Lum made it much, much worse. For heaven's sake, she wore a tiger-stripped bikini around him, Kami-sama!"

But most of the time, I try to use exclamation points like that completely straight, which makes it sound stupid... ah well, MELODRAMA ROMANCE FTW!!!

Where the Monsters have been

I'll throw a fit!
For the poetry
Won't flow!

It's late,
And I can't sleep,
And these feelings are jumbled!

I'm grieving, mourning,
Like the morose, quiet fox
Stalking the edge of your consciousness...

I'm excited,
Twitching with forbidden thoughts,
Touched by the wings
Of a scorching Pheonix.

I'm irritated!
And even enraged!
Because of this stupid unrequited love!

I'm tired
And borderline insomniac;
The golden eyes of the nocturnal owl.

And no one knows this of hidden world of mine,
Like a supernova in my chest.

Demons, monsters, and angels meet,
Gathered to hear my thoughts and reflections.

This is what I mean when I say that I
Will recite such where the monsters have been...

For these creatures like to trample over
My heart,
Where my sanity wanes,
And is thin.

I Only Wish You could Bear Witness to this Metamorphisis

These feelings!

It seems
That they cannot be content with
Just one emotion,
Or just one sensation.

They mix!
They jumble, they tangle!

They rest at the pit
Of my stomach and
They flutter in my chest!

It's wond'rous,
Yet confusing,

It's jubilant,
But just so damn painful!

It's ev'rything you could e'er imagine!

The way you see things,
The way you see you,
The way you see
The world...

Like a supernova explosion of
It's something I ne'er felt before!

My world starts swirlin'
As I see your face,
A constant in my dreams...
I start to wail,
For what, I'm not sure,
But I want to scream,
"Wo ai ni!"

Monday, September 21, 2009

Poem of Imminent Rejection


This farce that my feelings could
Mean anything,
And this hope that I
Could indulge in
This stupid dream...

It is enough to make me cry,
And I don't want to be a thief...

It's simple,
You've never been mine,
Except in secret fantasies...

No matter when,
No matter where;
Time cannot close this gap.

Let's go back to the simple times
When I could stare into your eyes,
And we were nothing
But blushing schoolchildren,
Sweet and innocent.

Yeah, my feelings will never be requited,
And this poem is so damn cliche...

Because I never thought
I would have such emotions,
Yet I have them everyday.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Lonely Ghost

The pale little white-fleshed girl,
The ghost,
Seeking the purpose
She pines for the most;
And every lifetime,
When her families have died,
She resumes the same manor,
However sly.

All that I Want

Her gentle, silken hands rest
Upon her accented peaks,

Dreaming, longing, pining for him,
As she lets out a little squeak.

Her arms wrapped
Around her own body,
She whispers quietly...

The words she wants to hear
Buzzing in her ear,
Hot and heatedly.

These dreams are so,
So very sick,
And the child knows that well...

The girl can do no more
Than hope and write messages,
Sending them out to sea.

And by chance,
If someone finds these bottles
And scoops them out of the water...

Do you think they would read their content and
Understand the words, "Wo ai ni?"

A nimble, piercing finger draws
Out slowly as she breathes...
And her murmurings slow to a drawl
As the little one dreams of me.

I am lust,
Powerful and almighty;
There simply is no conquering my
And no one--
Not even the small are exempt
From my tantalizing pull.

The child that I speak of now,
Is masking her desires
With pained, anguished glances;

She will write poetry of what she feels at night,
And recite it where the monsters have been.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

... 0.o


... O.0




Yeah, I just beat up my keyboard.

Because, um...



No, seriously! :D I am dead serious here. I rarely like fanon, but hell, we're talking about MARTIAL ARTS LEMON. Like, you know, Martial Arts Figure Skating? XD Well, martial arts lemon. Seriously. (Yes, this is about Ranma 1/2, in case you don't get the reference.)

And it's crazy funny!

Google search the Ranma 1/2 lemon archive and look for A Romp in the Park. If you're into written hentai, that is. ;P And the whole "Sexual Martial Arts" comes into play in Part 2.

And dude... it's like, scary. XD Just because it is.

A mirror; Scolding fire

A mirror. We are all
Looking in a mirror
Of our past selves and
Our similar selves;
Like characters of the same author.

Our author,
Our dearest Creator almighty,
Is no less than God,
And here we dance

In the palm of his
Almighty hands.

The mirror stretches on forever like
The eternal reflection
In an eternal river,
Where we all swim
As the Lord's fish,
In the Lord's clear waters
Which we relish
Forever in our fish-like lungs.

And if we happen so
To fall into sin,
Then into sin we will fall;

Trading these pristine rivers for
An ocean of fire.

"Scolding fire."

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Storybooks and staying up late,

"I'll see you next in the realm of dreams."

My bedtime is near
And mommy would be mad
If she knew that I was awake now...

Goodbye adventures,
And goodbye grand tales,
It was fun while it lasted,
But I now I must sleep.

I quietly close my storybook,
Having read and relished the last page.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Let Be

Leave be,
For we've not the words to tell
Of these feelings tonight.

Let be for a time
When the thoughts will flow
In a lucid, unbridled spate...

Leave be
For a time
When these harsh winds calm
To a breeze that's gentle on our skin...

Leave your poetry be tonight
And recite it where the monsters have been.

Thursday, September 10, 2009


I hate everyone except my brother and J-pop artists.

DReam forever.

~Yumeno Sumi-chan~

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Randomly Short Shortness

Is it only to me
That it seems
That the world is coming
Apart at the seams?


Don't laugh at me, but is there any such thing as vegan pocky? 030

~Yumeno Sumi-chan~

Monday, September 7, 2009

Sumi Yumeno

Yumeno Sumi-chanzu will be my new alias, my new online name. From now on, all other usernames will be changed to Sumi Yumeno-chan, Sumi-chanzu, or some form of it.


~Yumeno Sumi-chan~

Indigo and Purple

Indigo blends with
The deep Purple color
In the dear, eternal sky.

They sing together,
Forever and ever,

Indigo and Purple.

With the charm of an octopus,
And the taste of ramen noodles
Lingering their mouths,

They watch a film
About a young girl
Finding her way in life.

And afterwards,
The colors swim
In an ocean of

Indigo and Purple sing,
"La la la,"
Forever and ever.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Wtf is wrong with me?

... o.0

I'm looking over my fanfic I wrote around a year ago.

And just seven words, man,

"Wtf is wrong with me?"

This is Our Song of Life

This is of song of life,
This is our song
Of life.

And this we will sing
Till the end of time,
Because this is our song of life.

A bird reborn in the flames,
Or a rabbit poking out of its den.

A koi fish swimming upriver, determined,
Or a cherry blossom in the spring.

A newborn child's first needy cry,
Or the birth of a star above.

This is our song
Of life, darling,
This is our song
Of life.


Bringing teh lulz since the dawn of manga, my friend. Bringing teh lulz.

Thursday, September 3, 2009


Displeased spirits screech from above,
O assailants, o antagonists.

What have you brought
Upon yourselves?
This girl is like you,
One meant to be held.

You have broken ev'ry last hymn,
O parasites, o demon children.

I now turn away from you,
For you have sinned
Against this church,

And your hearts are filled
With sickly intents.

Wo ai ni

I finally feel.

As a human,
I finally am,
And with these emotions
I am whole.

I want my love to be reciprocated,
But I am content
Just knowing that
I have experienced this feeling;

Whether true or not.

The rules of it,
The intricacies,
The depths and actualities and sciences of it,

I do not understand.

But now I know,
That when I close my eyes
And ears,
My heart starts beating,

For I see your face.

And if my love is unrequited,
Than at least I have experienced the feeling,
For it is one that has eluded me

In my youth,
My haste,
My blindness.

I wish to confess,
And spew lovely poetry,
To dance for you
And make you come my way.

But I have no such skills,
Not when my tongue is tied
Behind my back,
Because of this funny feeling.

If I mouth the words
In a different language,
Would you understand?

If I were to say,
"Wo ai ni,"
"Te amo!"

Would hear my voice
And know their meaning;
Would would you reciprocate?

I don't really know you,
But I know you are nice,
And sweet,
And kind to me...

Like no other boy,
For they are afraid
Of my tomboyish complexities.

I can feel your glances,
Your hot stares,
While we ride home
In the crowded school bus...

My heart skips a beat
As you exuberantly cry out
An inside joke
From across the hall.
I respond
With my stupid grin,
And wish I could tell you how I feel.

If after "Nihao,"
Came, "Wo ai ni,"
This would be so much simpler, then.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

It's been so long...

It's been so long;
Have I been asleep?
It feels like it's been raining
Since this time last year.

"Awake, awake,"
A quiet whisper
On the edge of my consciousness
Rouses me from my slumber.

"We are going to live,"
I tell myself,
"We are going to live again."

I set my quiet dreams in motion,
As the people start bustling by.

"I love you,
I love you so,
You know?"
Is whatt I wanted to say...

But I lost all my chances,
Like my lost brother's car keys,
Now my keys to the Kingdom are gone.

But that's in the past,
And now is the future,
So I let out a terrified breath,

"Be sure you do all you can
This year,
So that my soul I may resurrect.


As of tomorrow, I am in eigth grade.

Saturday, August 29, 2009



And that's all she wrote.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Rise Above

Children are cruel,
That's what they say--
They ridicule, torture, and sneer
'Till daylight.

They wither in the sun
And linger in the twilight--
They thrive in their parasite nests
At midnight.

With tongues as sharp as an arrow shot,
Or the sting of a wasp,
They come after, infest.

And I hate them all,
May they all rot,
Because they plague the world to its very depths.


I just hate people.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Coming Apart

Hello, dearest,
Hello, older brother,
Things just are movin'
So fast, aren't they?

I don't want to lose ya,
But I don't want to find ya
In a world of pain and disarray.

I love you so, dear,
Don't you know?
And the world is never what it seems...

So before ya go
And leave me
Tell me why
The world's comin' apart at the seams.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I'm Shivering

A quiet drop of rain falls
From leaves
In the trees,
And the air is tinged
With rosemary.

I'm shivering
In the pre-dawn light,
And looking back
On every last mem'ry.

I feel a numbness coming on,
That of which I have felt before.
And it's frightening so,
That mournful air,
Of which you cannot inhale.

For if one does,
They will surely be lost
To the morbid and morose dreams...

Vanishing from this earth,
To a deserted plain
That is coming apart at the seams.

Era of Secrets

This is my secret tune,
With a quick, swift timing
And blazing body heat.

This is my impish dream,
Behind walls forbidding,
Lies, and facades.

And the song continues;
It does not die,
Like an eternal forest fire of mine.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Even the Rain is Melancholic

Night rain gently spilling over
From the somber indigo sky.

Sitting in a dimly lit room,
With a candle in the corner.

I'm here.


Singing to a whispered voice,
Already lost
To the approaching sun.

Yes, it seems a disconcerting dawn
Is ahead
For everyone...

"We're going to have to wake up you know,
And dance in the future...
Are you afraid?"

Yeah, it seems that in times like these,
Even the rain is melancholic.

Do Not Cry, Child (Part 2)

Do not weep, sweet child, dear,
My fearless, brave little one.

You can go back; it's not to late,
But the choice is up to you.

Your time's run out,
That's what it seems,
And you've no where left to turn...

The pattern seems to have trapped you in
This melancholic cage.

But my bird, my bird,
O my angelic bird,
With wings like clouds and blankets...

Remember, the eye and mind can fool
And nothing is as it seems.

No matter these questions,
No matter this din,
This abstract clamor in your head.

Set it all aside,
And hold my essence to your heart;
Do not cry, child, please,
Do not cry.

Do Not Cry, Child

Do not cry, sweet child, dear,
My innocent little one.

My body may have rotted,
And I reside in Paradise,
But I am with you still.

"Shh, shh,"
Says your mother, child;
She is telling to to sleep...

So rest your eyes
And dry your tears;
I'm right here, you need not weep.

The Abstract Clamor in my Head

The night rain pitter-patters,
And my mind is left to wander
Through the city streets
And childrens' dreams,
Over bright and yellow hills.

My thoughts drift through the cotton fields
And the clouds, fluffy and white.
They meander through a blazing forest fire,
And dance among the stars.
They shimmer in a koi pond,
Or hide in a rabbit hole.

They probe through my best friend's heart,
And linger in broken promises.
They shudder with electricity,
And flutter on a cherry blossom;

They float with pure, sweet water lilies and
Mull over my options,
Those dreaded thoughts of the future
That never seem to fade.

And in these places, great and small, there are many things I see...
Innocence and abstract thoughts
That make me want to cry.

Sometimes, my gift
Is a blessing and curse,
'Cause I'd rather stay put tonight...
For, my eye is keen,
Different from the human's;
I can see through anyone's heart.

My brother, for example,
Is afraid,
And no one alive can soothe his pain.

My mother, for example,
Is so tired,
And wishes for sleep as well.

My father, for example,
Is lost in his world
Of anger, longing, and hate...

My best friend is lost
To a land faraway
And I am past ashamed.

These things, these things,
Make such a din and clamor
In my head,
For I cannot sleep.

Yes, I'd rather my thoughts stay put tonight,
So that I may dream
Of other things.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Broken Promises

I stayed up all night,
And confided in you
When things were getting dark...

But promise after promise
And quiet, muted whisperings
Were all I had to give in return.

There are the things that I've tried to fulfill
In this awkward lapse of time...

And try I did, with all my might...
But one vow I made that night...

It bested me and beat me up
Till my eyes were bloodshot red.
And I quivered and shivered and trembled and twitched,
All in the name of Dread.

I turned to the thin, waning cloud Dream
And balanced on it for a while,
Till I could take to more no more,
In insanity's grasp
And I let go; tore my world asunder.

And you've no idea, no,
Of just how nice it is
Just to tear all coherent thought to shreds...
And feel burning Electricity
Pulsate through your body,
Leaving you dumb and dead.

And oh, when you scream!
Such a delightful sound,
Like ethereal beating of angel's wings...

And dear, all sin is wicked, I know
But I could never combat with the Dread.

It all comes down to you conscience, I guess,
And you duty to the Lord above...
I know what I must do,
But I'd don't know anything
When the need to engage in such comes.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Forest Fire

Violent thoughts and
Vulgar thoughts!
Irrational thoughts and
Villainous thoughts!
Tearing my mind
To savaged little pieces--
No need for coherency!
No need for this game!

(For my attempts at normalcy
Are but shallow and feigned.)

Rude and uncivilized!

Because of such Electricity,
My essence aflame!


It runs through my veins,
It crackles in my mind;
Makes me quiver,
And shiver,
And twitch.

It's lightning,
That's burning my flesh,
And setting my soul afire.

These vulgar thoughts,
These savage dreams,
Oh, what has become of me?
These raving words,
And feral impulses
Become a maddening red,
Deep and scarlet.

Claws and scars,
And marks and disgraces.
Such imperfections,
And vices.

Our darkened eyes
And heartbeats alive,
Screaming and wailing---
What fright!

Clouds as White as Blankets

One of those times when
You just feel like crying

You just want music;
A soft, calm tune
To caress your wild

No one loves you;
Or at least that's what it seems
As of late...
Yeah, it's early morning,
But you can never sleep.

Dread just happens
To meld with the lightning
Running through your veins...

And I just want to doze...

So why
Am I awake?
To write something between poetry and

So why have I been sad
Of late...

Oh, Nanny, I wish
I could tell you...

Yeah, all these things,
I wish
I could tell you...

Monday, August 10, 2009

I has a new blog. :3

I'm still going to post on this one, though. ^_^ I'll have both. <3

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Dango dango dango dango....


Dango Daikazoku has brainwarshed me.

...And that's what I get for typing a blog entry right before the sun comes up. Brainwarshed? Jeezum, you can tell where I come from. XD

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A Child's Dreams

I just want to stay up all night,
And sing in a thunderstorm.
I want to cry rivers of tears
And scream, on top of the world.
I want to smile
At your face,
And leap into your arms...

"Ah, life was so much simpler then,
When I was pure, unharmed."

Monday, August 3, 2009


There are no words for what I have just read.

Just.... 0.0 ...... w........ t.... f............. ? *squeaks in fear*

If you can freak me out this badly, then you are...... well, sick, freakish, and.... kinda cool....

I'd post a link to what I read to put me in this state, but then it would probably get my blog flagged.



Oh, how I love that word.

Synonymous with "keh," the word feh can be used as a grunt, yowl, murmur, or other sound to express disdain, disrespect, disinterest, annoyance, dismissal, or any combination of the five. Often, it is a sound one "spits" out, so to speak.

"Keh," carries a similar definition; however, it usually used by one in an angier mood than "feh." It also has the potential to sound evil, whereas that would be more difficult with feh.

Compare and contrast with meh, a sound expressing complete dismissal; usually used by one ignoring another. It usually connotes bordem, or total absorption in another person or thing, as if to give no attention to another.


Called the next plot point. Mwahahaha.

"My love,"

This. Phrase. Is. So.... argh~!! It... it's annoying! And kind of corny! I mean, sure it can be cool at times... but when used more than once, it becomes inexplicably irritating!







Ya know what sucks? When you hear someone say something so idiotic that you fall over, anime-style, and start to laugh. Yeah, well it sucks when that happens, and you realize that you're part of that freakish idiocy. Except a smarter, dignified version of it.

...My comrades are all imbeciles...



Is a stupid, senseless word,
Because if we are all nothing,
Then that is something
In itself.

And worthless--
We are all unworthy.
Pathetic. Undeserving.
Yet we do not belong to ourselves

If just one smile,
Or one memory;
Than that is worth,
If only a little,
For, such loans you
To others as well
And puts you under
Passing happiness' spell.


(The following is random crap. Poetry, song, whatever the hell ya want to call it. Based off mah random thoughts and a fanfiction.)

I got nothing else, no,
To sustain me, oh,

And I'm screamin' at
The top of my lungs...

Don't get left behind
By everyone with a life...
Curses to the man
Who killed me,
Killed me


So now I know that I can just

Masochistic, psychopathic

'Cause you know what happens next...
And yeah,
We all know what happens next,
Don't we?!

Saturday, August 1, 2009




And clawing
Down your back...

What a dreamy
Nightmare I

Much worse

Raging, pulsating urge...

Should be a crime,
Should be a crime...

'Cause there ain't nothing
Worse, no...

I'm so confused,
But damn, I know
What makes it alright...

It's a tide I can't fight against...

Between Poetry, Song, and a Lonely Feeling

My name holds truth,
My arms are shiverin'.
My mind is blank;
I get left behind...

"More poetry, more words,"
I say
In an empty room,
And there I sway.
Left, and right
To my own beat
In a world apart
On a barren street.

People line up
To pass me by,
Longing for those faces lost.
And in this crowd, that's all I see...
Faces of those gone
On the faces of thee.

So I just put down my pencil and sing.
No more words, just lovely sound.

A trilling noise soon deepens
In pleasure
As my hands wander
To satisfy.

"Forget, forget,"
"Forget, forget,"
(When you cannot see)
(A promise lost)
(At whatever cost...)

"...Go on."

Somewhere between poetry
And song.





Writhing in my own right
Just so I don't feel lonely...
Ya'll left me alone,
So let me burn,

If you can't see me,
Than I've succeeded.
Sometimes I just wish
I were invisible...

Friday, July 31, 2009

So, so sick

The thoughts swimming through my head,
Things no child should ev'r think.
Swirling, whirling
In a sea
Of warm, wet blood
And the things I see.

Flash through mind,
While words are buzzing in my head.

Wo ai ni,
Ev'ry whisper arouses dread...


I am officially high on progressive music, half-broken headphones, internet slang, and severe lack of sleep.

Shout-out to all the nocturnal people/insomniacs out there:

Ain't everything funnier at 4 AM?

I mean, heck, I'm pretty much devoid of all coherent thoughts, reading sappy lemon, and trying not break out in manicial laughter jus' cuz half the stuff is soooooo corny.

S'like Fushigi Yuugi, ne? Hate it, love it, go awwwww, laugh at it, and cry reading it. Wh00t. 'Cept this is fanon, and I'm jus' bout convinced that all fanfic authors are wacko in th' head, includin' me. My mental speech i' slurrin' due to tiredness btw, so that's why I'm typin' like a drunk.

And one more thing, dammit, READ THE FREAKIN MANGA~!! RYOUGA ENDS UP WITH SOMEONE IN THE MANGA, AND IT SURE AS HELL AIN'T UKYOU~!! Ryouga. Falls. In. Love. With. A. Girl. Named. Akari. Unryuu. And. Ukyou. More. Or. Less. Ends. Up. With. A. Male. Kunoichi. Called. Konatsu.

Ukyou and Ryouga don't end up together. GOMEN, shippers, bu' deal wi' it an' read the freakin' manga.

(I i' soooooooooo tirrrredd)


These trials and tests
On your endurance;
What is the strength of your soul...?
Bless you brother,
For all you've been through,
And all that is to come...

At this point,
We're just
Crossing fingers
And holding back our tears...
'Twill be okay,
That's what we say,
But we've really no idea.

I fear for the dream,
I fear for reality...

But most of all,
I fear for you...
(...Fever.... few...)

Oh, brother, dear,
You are my angel too.
Left to my devices,
You were all that remained here.

When it got so turbulent and black...

You were a constant...
With your figures... and your facts.

Don't rip it all away from me;
I don't want to die again...
I'd rather die for good than have
To live through hell again...

Bless you, bless you;
I believe...

You are all I have left,
So you simply cannot leave...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Past Usernames, Boredom, and a Natural High~

Nihao, Minna-san~ Shampoo post now~

Is it me, or does something about a vegan cookie-induced stomach ache at 11:38 PM give you a natural high~~?

Maybe it has to do with listening to the Gorrillaz...

Well, I is gonna make a list of all mah nicknames/usernames now, cuz I have absolutely nothin better to do~

  • Ambey (Alternatively spelled "Ambie," or "Ambi," but usually I spell it "Ambey". It's pronounced, "Am-bee," and it's based off my real name.... funny thing is, people still call me this, and I came up with it when I was 8... XD I also have a nickname that I used in elementary school which spawned from this, "Bambi," which references my nature-loving veganness.)
  • Ambey-chan (Mah otaku buddy likes to add the "-chan" on... love ya, Ichigo-chan~! <3)
  • Shampoo (From the Ranma 1/2 character. I impersonate her at school a lot. ^_^)
  • Xianpu (Shampoo's real name. Most people just spell it Shampoo, since the pun on her name references the hair care product, but this what her name actually is in Chinese. It means, "Unrefined/uncut gem/coral"
  • Xianpu-chan (Self-explanatory)
  • Fnick (What Max accidentally calls Fang in Maximum Ride. Iggy teases Fang about this afterwords, and Fang calls him "Figgy" in return. I love Fang, and my best friend is obsessed Iggy. So we usually call each other Fnick and Figgy. In fact, we even tagged the "F" onto other Maximum Ride characters and assigned the names to our other friends. ^_^)
  • FnickTheBirdKid (Fnick = Fang = An awesome bird kid)
  • TenshiYoukai (Basically, "AngelDemon".)
  • Tenshi-chan (Alternitavely spelled, "Tenshii-chan")
  • 3xKasumix3 (For the pokemon character Kasumi/Misty)
  • vegan_love_force (occasionally "vegan bitch" by Ruler of Worlds XD)
  • Moeko (Japanese fan-term "Moe" plus feminine ending "ko", meaning child.)
  • Noodles (Tee-hee... mah sistah-- ok, well my sister at heart; she's not my real sister-- calls me this sometimes. ^_^)
  • Haiku (Type of poetry. And plus it sounds cool when you say it out loud.)
  • Usagiyo ("Rabbit," plus feminine name ending "yo"... I honestly have no idea what "yo" means-- I think it might mean healthy, but I'm not sure-- but either way, it can mean the ghetto English slang word. XD)
  • InuYashas_Maiden (Shut up. I only used this username once. XD)
  • Hug_Ninja

And my email thinks my name is Akane Tendou... long story....

We all have full names in my group of frineds, like a family. (We refer to ourselves as a "cult"called the TFP. Those Flippin Pandas. ... Dun ask me, I just went along with it. XD) We have a "street name" which is usually Japanese (with me being the only exception), a first name (our Maximum Ride name), and a last name, which usually consists of whatever other nickname we go by. If we have more than one other nickname, there's usally a dash in between the two. Mine is "Ambey" Fnick Noodles-Shampoo. XD My other friends are "Akana" Figgy Lizzy-Kaboom, "Mizuko" Fnudge Eevee, "Hanabi" Fmax Mousse, "Chibi" Fangel Sylar, "Ichigo" Fgazzy, and "Ringo" Fakila Hobo. We have a complex family tree, but currently it lies with "Akana" in Virginia... ;_; I miss you, Figgy...

//Btw, what'cha'll think about a fanfic from me? I really think I should try my hand at a lemon. The plot is that somehow, the Nerima Wrecking Crew ingest/inhale something that makes them hallucinate. Akane and Ranma and Mousse hallucinate about, well, lemons, and the rest of the character's hallucinations will be comedic. Hmm... only problem is, what can I get them all high off of? Chinese Amazon herbs too cliche? Feh... *brainstorms*

Choke Me Sweetly

Beautiful hands,
Slender hands,
Soft and smooth,
A maiden's hands.

Tender hands,
Loving hands,
Fragrant and sweet,
A lover's hands.

Gently strangling
Your breath away;
Gulit and glee,
Pleasure and pain.
Cry softly
As the world comes undone;
Beautiful hands,
Soiled with blood.

Deeper and deeper,
In and out.
The knife, caress,
The dream, and the nightmare.

The black night sky
Littered with the heavy clouds,
Of past regrets
As a life is snuffed out...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


... I just read a freakishly dark fanfic about Ranma and Akane being forced to live in the mental state of cats for the rest of their lives...

And apparently Akane will bear her mate many litters of "kittens" when the time is right.

Which is where the story leaves off.


Generating the obvious response from me: W... T... F.

I mean, I've written a deathfic before. But no deathfic could ever be as sad as that.

In mine, Akane basically becomes dead inside after Ranma's death, insists on going to school the next day for a feigned attempt at normalcy (so that she doesn't go insane), but just can't handle it when her classmates ask her where Ranma is and why he isn't with her. She starts sobbing and freaking out, hyperventilates, and falls to the ground as the first drops of November rain begin to fall. (One of the songs used in the anime was called "November Rain," and yes, that was supposed to be an illusion to that song, as Ranma is apologizing for upsetting Akane in it. In fact, it's not even supposed to be November in my fic, but whatever. XD) Noticing the commotion, Ukyou, Shampoo, Mousse, and Ryouga gather, along with classmates, and ya know, other characters and stuff (Yeah, that was kinda corny, I admit XD)and hear the news for the first time. They all... well yeah, everyone's pretty much shocked and depressed and mourning and stuff, which is the biggest understatement I've made all day. Then Ranma's ghost appears to Akane, and they kiss. Sad sappyness ensues. Those gathered assume Akane is going mental, as Ranma does not appear to them, only Akane. They talk, and it's pretty angsty. He apologizes for dying and having to leave her (among a few other sappy things, I really don't remember what, since I wrote it quite a few months ago), and then disappears/ascends to heaven/whatever ya want to call it. (I'm pretty sure he asked her to go on living for his sake, or something along those lines.) Akane then returns to the normal world, screeching for him not to go. Nabiki, sympathetic and mourning in her own right, takes her wobbly and shaken little sister back home.

Sad, right? Well, wait till the end.

Akane wakes up, screaming Ranma's name. Ranma, Soun and Genma rush to Akane's room, expecting her to have been attacked, only to find she had a nightmare. Akane is beyond relieved when she finds out that it was just a nightmare, and starts crying tears of joy when she sees Ranma's face. Soun and Genma leave, and Ranma asks her what her dream was about slightly blushing. Akane turns all red, and-- as you can guess-- says something along the lines of, "Nothing, baka," as she is still rattled from the terrifying nightmare. Ranma blushes, tells her goodnight, and walks out of her room, softly murmuring "I love you," as he exits. Though whether this is just Akane's ears playing tricks on her, she doesn't know.

So all-in-all, not really depressing. Even if I decided to kill Ranma off for real and let Akane fall into depression, it would still be happier than the insanely dark fic I mentioned at the begining of this post. Remember the lighthearted, childish pair Ranma and Akane? Nope, no happy end for them! They get to spend their life as freaking cats. But at least Akane-neko will bear Ranma-neko many children!


Yeah. You get my point. I'm not saying it wasn't good-- hell, it was pretty exciting till the end-- but... dark. If you're looking for something depressing, read this. I swear, I was fighting tears at the end.

And I know the author put up a warning about it being "dark"... but being the baka I am, I decided to check it out anyway. It's beyond dark-- it's morbid.

So True...

What Is Your Level Of Sanity?
What Is Your Level Of Sanity?
Hosted By Anime

They... they hit the head on the nail... 0.0

A complex personality, you appeal only to two kinds of people - those who accept everything at face value and, most importantly, those who deeply understand the greater things you believe in. Skeptics are hard to win over, but those who like you will respect you forever. What Kind Of Anime/Manga Are You?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Let me rephrase that:

Fruits Basket fanfics are so bad that it's scary.

Lack of plot.

Lack of in-characterness.


Lack of decency.

Lack of creative vocabulary.

And let's not forget the general WTF factor.

People Can't Write Fruits Basket Fanfics.

Either they feature downright creepy pairings, or are written by brainless fangirls. Tis sad.

Saturday, July 25, 2009


Dread is leadening my stomach and
Pulling me down,

Still, still, I am still.

And dread will devour me.

The end.

Friday, July 24, 2009

... You're kiddin' me, right?

“Hentai No Ken School of Ultimate Perversion martial arts special attack!”



From, She Likes to hit Ranma, by Phantom Crossing.

Nyeah... the title has a lot more meaning to it than you would expect. (Can you say S&M Akane?) And nyeah, sorta (ok, really) OOC, but there's a logical reason for it. (It actually is logical~~!)

Do they have a veganized version of that?

"That was the last time she’d eat chocolate and wasabi covered takoyaki before bed."

Enter Sandman, by Half-Elf

Gosh, this sounds like something I would write...

"That's what you get for confessing your love in the bathtub."



I'd write the name of the fic I saw that in, but it's so embarrassing~! XD I mean, it makes it sound a *lot* worse than it is, and it's far from family-oriented... as you can tell from the quote. But I don't want to be a thief, so...



Box of Manhood.

By Josef Mojave.


I'm dead serious.

That's what it's called.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Icy Sun

Every touch is lightning's strike,
Your body feverish, your hands like ice.
Trembling and twitching
With every move,
Anticipating a revel
That will surely ensue--

A pleasant hurt,
A painful joy,
Sending quivers down my spine.

Break your body
And soothe your soul;
I was never sane,
But that you know.

It's difficult to feel alive,
In a empty world so desolate.
Yet I now know,
My impulses are strong;
My body is flushed,
And your blood pulsates through me.

We become one,
One heated writhing mast
On the ship of secret desires;
We are golden, beautiful towers,
Yet we are filled with sin.


Monday, July 6, 2009


Stalking my shadows and vexing my dreams;
This wretched word lives
To torment me.
Anguish and sorrow
Become my very essence,
And this dreadful feeling, my vice.

Proooooooooooooooose.... *_*

I want to write in prose. Badly. But I really, really need inspiration for a story. Rawr. D; Or as a Rumiko Takahashi lead-male would put it, "Feh." ... Obscure reference ftw. As you can see, I've stayed up all night again. Damn insomnia... >_<

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Era of Lies

"Uso yo,
Uso yo;
Atashi wa usotsuki."

May I lie in wait
For my lies to reach me
With pointed tooth and claw.

Era of Betrayal

The words are faint;
For I love no killers,
Nor so-called "saints."
You'll never win,
Nor will I,
'Till we prove ourselves
On the day we die.

Era of Tooth and Claw

Innocence corrupts with ease,
For right and wrong is only perceived.
Struggle and grapple,
For your words are like rain,
Turned acid with the wrongness
Of your dark, sickly creed.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I'm such a loser

Yep. I wroted a very stupid song. XD Called, "I'm such a loser."

Racy fanfictions at 6 minutes to four;
Ya see, they're always out of character--
And everybody's wanting more.
But ya know what?
I'm sticky and sweet
And I've got the rest of the night
To stimulate my fantasies.

Now she's down on the floor--
Burning up as she writhes
In the midst of her uncertainty--
Oh, what a plot twist.
So let's go now--
What've you got to lose?
Oh, it feels so good when you're safe in your mind.

And no one has to know, never,
'Cause we're all losers.
And we don't give a damn
We got some cheap laughs and fake smiles--
That's all we need.
So lets ignite our daydreams.

Story tab, click,
My document manager.
I pick my poison,
Show my passion,
And here come the red cheeks.
"Sorry honey,"
"But we're not interested--"
"--In any kind of girl--"
"--That has a shred of innocence."

Hell feels... so good.
Cause we're all f---ing losers.
And here we laugh at 4:09--
Talking about things that never

Friday, May 29, 2009


Let's let the sky explode!
Let the low growl of thunder,
Erupt, screech!
Let reality rupture!

Let's get drenched, and let's dance,
'Cause we're 'woken, we're lively.
Let's scream and be children,
O, sickly orange glow!

Let's get lost in this magic,
Let's get drunk off the clouds
And the tears, tears, tears
They sob.
Oh, maybe, just maybe
They ain't cryin' for sadness
Maybe they're rejoicin'!

Prehaps they weep
Wth glee!

Just like us,
Just like us,
O ame-sama, darlin'.
Let's let the lightning clash
And let the sky split open.
'Cause the rain likes to cry
Behind a mask of clouds...
Just like us, ame-sama!
Let's dance, let's dance!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Komori Uta

Innocent Child
Lying deep within,
'Tis time to rest your head for the morn.
Aren't you?
From adventures of today;
For through your eyes
The world is but wondrous.

You hesitate as
Those peepers gently
Shut off all the world has to see;
You're daunted,
Aren't you?
By problems you dare not speak.
I do not assume
You're too small to understand.
If you don't let me see
Beyond those wide eyes, luminous,
Bright with the carefree
Manner you assume,
I will not mind,

I will always carress you,
My baby, little one,
Without need or reason;
I will watch over.

Even when I'm gone;
Even when I die,
From the clouds I will watch you;
Never to be alone.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Tale of Sakura

History unfolding
Before my eyes;
Such hope and wonder unbridled,
Two souls, two beings, you and me,
Under the pale pink sakura tree.

A tune floats around my refreshed, soaring soul;
Despair and anguish repressed, do not woe.
I, a child seething
With deploration no more
Because we are here
Beneath the blossoms' ardor.

Quietly singing,
Relishing our short lives,
Remember how it used to be
Monotonous straining,
The pattern repeating;
Monotonous draining
From the strife?
But no,
No more!
The Earth and hearts have warmed.
And that
Has changed

It is

The earth keeps a-spinning,
The pages keep turning,
And all of a sudden it's
Lessened the mourning;
Even if it's still there,
Beneath the tough grin, the smile,
Move on,
Young one,
Disembark from the past.

And the people keep morphing;
Mindsets change, they're transforming
Into something
Or something

And those who mature,
The astounding lot!
"It's okay now,"
The sun
Soaks Earth's dwellers
With comfort.

Beneath the branches
Of a cherry blossom tree,
Two amounts to more,
Everyone and me.

Even if
My Dearest lies deceased,
New found companions
Assuage me.
Here, below arbors,
And nourishing skies
Nothing turns to something
As winter subsides.

Who knows what
Tomorrow will hold?
For the fist time
Since this time last year,
When the sakura
Give us life.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Seeing Fate

When the Earth completes
It's roving journey
Across worlds and wonders
Of awe-striking grandeur,
Then it will be
The last day.
In our jointed universe.

Always walking
With one hand tied
And the other holding yours,
There is no time!
As it tick, tick, ticks,
To prolong our fears;
To mull over worries.

I believe,
That even if
The pattern weaves
It's way through eternity,
We will meet again;
Some way, some how,
History will unravel
Threads of scarlet and and gold.

Wise Mother Earth
Has been witness to
All ambiances of lives past and to come.
She has perceived it all...
How will the world be
When we next collide?

My regrets,
My offenses,
It is time to let go
And embrace you warmer
With both arms free.
For there is everlasting,
At least in our dreams,
As time winds
On and on
With threads of scarlet and gold.
Your Eternally Pondering Dear,

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Minna-san, Minna-san

It means "Mr./Ms. Everyone, Mr./Ms. Everyone," in English. It's the name of this poem... for one of my best friends in the whole world. She makes me smile like no one else can, and bears the same name of someone who sent a similar laughter rippling through my body. Although I can't be with that one friend now... I have the lovely person I wrote this poem for. And I'm very, very grateful. XD

Minna-san, Minna-san,
Please halt your foolish bustling.
Let the clamor of life die away
And listen to my words.
Stop dead as you march through the snow
Blanketing the city streets;
"Blameless" elders and children alike,
Let the vapors of exhale be stilled.

Minna-san, Minna-san,
Please pry open your eyes,
For here standing next to me
Is a miracle amazing.
In your short, arduous lives
You have never come to grasp
Such divinity and such beauty
I shall teach you to notice.

Minna-san, Minna-san,
How pointless is a life!
Existence is but trying, misersable, hard
Without someone to guide you.
I am not a hapless fool for
I have a shimmering angel!
A friend to guide me
Through the shadows
Of evil and darkness outreaching.
She came to me
In the twilight,
Just as dark spirits began to arise;
She took my hand and gave me
What I thought I had cast away.

In a moment of foolishness, Minna-san,
All can instantly be lost.
But as you go about living,
You must open your hearts to the warmness.
Even though it gets tough sometimes
And uncertainty fails the dawn,
Breathe me and my savior in,
When you're in the darkness.

Breathe in the essence of joy, Minna-san,
And dull will give way to the brilliance.
Love ya, Lizzy,